Author: Matt Scioli

Hello. My name is Matt and I’m a sports fan. A Philadelphia sports fan to be more specific.

The Philadelphia Eagles lost Super Bowl 57 last night. They were arguably the best team in the NFL all season but fell victim to the greatness of Patrick Mahomes and the Kansas City Chiefs in a game that was one for the ages. I find myself today..the day after.. sitting here going through a roller coaster of emotion. Recalling every play from the game and getting more angry, sad, and upset because the Eagles could have had a chance to win the game and most likely would have if not for a controversial holding penalty on James Bradberry with just under 2 mins left in the 4th quarter.

Why am I like this? Why am I sad? Why am I angry? Why do I hate the city of Kansas City? I’ve never been I’m sure its lovely. Why do I want to spit in every BBQ sandwich I see? Why do I all of a sudden think the color red is so hideous? Like a bull attacking a matador I want charge every person wearing red. Why in some weird way do I want to watch highlights as if the outcome will somehow be different if I watch again. It would be like pouring salt in an open wound. The sun came out today and I woke up healthy. Those are two great things. Life and sunshine. But yet here we are.

Why do I put my entire identity into liking a football team for 18 weeks out of the year? I try not to. I have other interests and hobbies. I love sports and want my family, friends and city to be happy, but on days like today I want every person I see and talk to I want them to feel sorry for me and give me a hug. Like as if I just lost a loved one. Why? I own a home with a beautiful wife, a dog and I have a job. Why is that not enough? It should be.. i’m employed and not homeless.

Is it bad that I wanted to get drunk early in the morning and watch a parade? It’s not healthy mentally and physically but boy did I want it. I wanted to destroy things with the citizens of Philadelphia. Why? I crumble mentally at any minor inconvenience in my life why would I want to cause destruction for someone else to clean up and fix. I’m not a bad person. I try to live my life in a very positive way.

Do people know the commitment we as fans put in every week to ensure we are able to watch the teams we love? Scheduling our lives, shifting things around in our calendars to make sure we can make sure we can sit on our couch scroll meaningless tweets, connect with other idiots like ourselves, eat junk food, and drink beer. That is childish and we should grow up. But we can’t. This bullshit is hard wired in our brains. It’s an addiction and we can’t break the habit. Like a junkie looking for a fix we think our lives are going to be better or worse if our team wins or loses. Maybe our lives will be temporarily but in the long run they’re not. We will be happy or sad but we will move on. I hope so.

The Eagles put together one of the best seasons of football I think I ever watched from this franchise in my 31 years of living. Knowing that we have a quarterback that will be the face of the franchise for the next 10 plus years is something we as birds fans can hang our hats on and look forward to. What Lane Johnson did this post season was nothing short of herculean. AJ Brown is an alien. This may be the last run for Jason Kelce who is a hall of fame center and gave everything to this franchise. For those things I am truly grateful and excited. I may never change but I’m proud to be a birds fan and proud of my city.

Now if you excuse me I’m going to watch the Sixers break my heart.

If you’re like me and have been watching NFL football for the last 3 months (Go Birds) then you are enraged with the fact that Paul Giamatti is being used to sell unlimited data for Verizon and Iphone.

During the month of December the ads first appeared with Giamatti dressed up as Scrooge yelling at Cecily Strong sitting on a large obnoxious Verizon sign about how shitty his cell service is, Now they continue with him dressed up as some bizarro version of Albert Einstein yelling about that same shitty cell service.

Paul, what is going on?

You played John Adams for Christ Sake!

If you ask any number of millennials like myself most of them they will say Big Fat Liar is one of the best pre teen/teen comedies of all time. The day I went to see that movie my dad wanted to take me, my brother, my sister and my cousin to see Lord of the Rings and we begged him to see BFL. He laughed harder than any of us did! Do you know how many times I said “Give me back my monkey” when I was kid? Countless times. I listened to Hungry like a Wolf because of Marty Wolf. Hell I even plagiarized a bit.

“I will not drink any fucking Merlot” is one of the funniest lines of all time. Win WIn is such a heartfelt and inspirational movie. Cinderella Man doesn’t get talked about nearly enough.

Did Pete Rose have something to do with this? To get back at your Dad

Do you have kids and grandkids? Do they need these Verizon checks?

You are one of my favorite actors of all time I can’t see you this way, playing dress up on national TV making sure parents with toddlers have unlimited data so their kids can watch you tube for 3 hours on an Ipad so they don’t cry in the cart at Target.

Verizon get someone else for this.

WOLF OUT!

Gentlemen only ladies forbidden (people forget) recently have been in desperate attempts to save its image. Admittedly I’m not the biggest fan of Golf and its culture but I will say it is nice to see the sport become more accessible over the past few years and change the way people view the sport.

That being said, Hey real quick…Golf STOP using Jordan brand to help bolster that strategy. Yes I know MJ is a huge golfer he sank that awesome hole in one in Space Jam. That was sick, I know. Wayne Knight loved it. But..Air Jordans are one of the biggest parts of pop culture and fashion as we know it and some of the greatest athletic achievements have been accomplished in those shoes and you’re going to try and convince me that if some dude like Jordan Speith is wearing them i’m supposed to think Golf is somehow cooler and more stylish? Huh?? (Tim Allen Home Improvement grunt).

Have you seen guys that golf? They look like walking White Claw cans that will brag about their man caves and give you recommendations about what Instagram model has the best page to “look at”. Yes a dude that loves golf probably still whacks it to still photos.

Putting on a pair if J’s on a golfer doesn’t make the sport cooler. Some of the Jordan golf collection includes models like The Jordan 3 cement, The 5s, and The 1s.

The Jordan 3 cement, Do you people know that Michael Jordan dunked from the fucking free throw line while wearing those?!? And you’re going to talk to me about your short game? The fucking FREE THROW LINE! Thats literally 15 feet away from the basket. But I guess the fat dude making the cart girl uncomfortable while he pounds Michelob Ultras, talks about NFTs and bragging about his 15 foot putt is more athletic and making that shoe look cooler.

The Jordan 5?? That shoe was a part of one of the best AD Campaigns of all time, The Spike Lee joint with Mars Blackmon. “It’s gotta be the shoes!” But I guess it’s cooler that your work buddy wore them to play 18 holes and shoved 6 glizzys down his gullet while doing it. It’s Gotta Be the Shoes!!!

And finally how can we forget The Jordan 1.  Do you understand the significance of that shoe? It is one of the most well known silhouettes of all time. There is no Tiger Woods without this shoe. It completely changed sports marketing and and how brand market their athletes. It is quite literally THE Sneaker to end all sneakers. But I guess they feel good while you’re riding around in a golf cart drinking Truly and talking about pastel shorts Maybe it is Jordan brands fault. Maybe it’s Golf’s fault. I don’t know, all I know is that the lines between the sports are becoming blurred and it needs to end before it’s too late.

This week we have Kirk Cousins. Kirk cashed in on a 3 year 84 mill guaranteed contract with the Minnesota Vikings this week. Kirk tricked the Vikings into thinking he is an elite quarterback and deserves 84 million dollars. Which is impressive and why he is the JCB player of the week. I don’t agree, but what do I know I’m a jabroni. Good for Kirk. That 84 million dollars will buy a lot of tin foil for all the steaks he will grill.

Yes Kirk Cousins grills his steaks with tin foil underneath…

YOU LIKE THAT!

This weeks player of the week is Shaquem Griffin. Shaquem impressed scouts and put up some impressive numbers at the NFL combine this past week. What’s more impressive is that he did it with one hand. Literally.

Shaquem was born with amniotic band syndrome. Which means the fingers on his left hand were not fully developed as a child causing him pain every time he hit his hand. Having his hand properly amputated didn’t stop him from playing football. In 2017 he was the AAC defensive player of the year at UCF where he had 11.5 sacks and 92 tackles. Shaquem ran a 4.3 40 yd dash (fastest ever for a linebacker) and bench pressed 225 20 times pretty much with one hand. What is even more impressive is that Shaquem wasn’t even invited to the combine at first and now he is being considered a 4th round pick.

This weeks winner or winners I should say is the US Women’s Hockey team who took home gold for the first time in women’s USA hockey history. If any of you ladies are on the corner of 17th and Wharton Jeff Cold Beer will have your award. Congratulations!

 “Chase Utley hold my beer I’m about to burn down philly with my fiery words of passion”. That I assume is a direct quote from our JCB player of the week this week Jason Kelce.

Chase I love you man but dropping a F bomb isn’t going to cut it. Jason, in my opinion is the cooler of the Kelce brothers and proved my point last Thursday as the birds celebrated their first Super Bowl victory.

Jason Kelce is what Philly loves in their athletes. A guy that will stand up for the city and its people and realizes that it’s more than just a game for some people. Congrats Jason the first six pack at JCB is on us.