Beach Strength

What is the ultimate test of strength and endurance? Climbing Everest? Before the 1% ruined it? CrossFit? Running a marathon? Mixed Martial Arts? I think carrying beach supplies to and from the beach needs to be added to that list.

Going to the beach in the summer is one of the best things ever. Family vacation, summer love, late nights with friends and family there is nothing better. But i’m here to talk about the feats of strength people will showcase when going to the beach for the day.

There are a list of things that everyone needs to make a beach day successful. Beach chairs, a cooler(full of food and beverages), beach towels, an umbrella perhaps. Maybe you need to bring things like a tent for small children to lay in so they aren’t in the sun for too long. Beach toys. Football, frisbee or maybe spike ball for the competition and comradery. The brawn and energy it takes to carry those things to the beach from your car or house or what have you is overlooked in my opinion.

When carrying these things you are performing a farmer walk. A highly functional exercise. Core engagement. Working the shoulders. If you have seen any pro athlete’s offseason beach workout videos you would know that sand is one of the top natural resistances when it comes to movement either forward or lateral known to man. Now add that the fact that you’re carrying at least a 15 lb cooler in one hand and awkwardly long umbrella tucked up your armpit in the opposite arm. If thats not athleticism then I don’t know what is.

Don’t be surprised if this becomes the next internet fitness “hold my beer” thing. Where one of those idiots on IG straps 5 weight beach chairs around their body, while carry 2 umbrellas in each hand, and simultaneously balances two 20 pound coolers on their heads while walking barefoot on unbearably hot sand 3 miles away from where they are going to sit on the beach for the day.

To this I applaud (and also I give myself a pat on the back) all the weekend warriors out there for successfully completing these tasks each summer. Your efforts have not been overlooked. So when you are unloading your car with all that shit you need to carry just know I’m here for you. Well done.

Untitled Golf blog

Gentlemen only ladies forbidden (people forget) recently have been in desperate attempts to save its image. Admittedly I’m not the biggest fan of Golf and its culture but I will say it is nice to see the sport become more accessible over the past few years and change the way people view the sport.

That being said, Hey real quick…Golf STOP using Jordan brand to help bolster that strategy. Yes I know MJ is a huge golfer he sank that awesome hole in one in Space Jam. That was sick, I know. Wayne Knight loved it. But..Air Jordans are one of the biggest parts of pop culture and fashion as we know it and some of the greatest athletic achievements have been accomplished in those shoes and you’re going to try and convince me that if some dude like Jordan Speith is wearing them i’m supposed to think Golf is somehow cooler and more stylish? Huh?? (Tim Allen Home Improvement grunt).

Have you seen guys that golf? They look like walking White Claw cans that will brag about their man caves and give you recommendations about what Instagram model has the best page to “look at”. Yes a dude that loves golf probably still whacks it to still photos.

Putting on a pair if J’s on a golfer doesn’t make the sport cooler. Some of the Jordan golf collection includes models like The Jordan 3 cement, The 5s, and The 1s.

The Jordan 3 cement, Do you people know that Michael Jordan dunked from the fucking free throw line while wearing those?!? And you’re going to talk to me about your short game? The fucking FREE THROW LINE! Thats literally 15 feet away from the basket. But I guess the fat dude making the cart girl uncomfortable while he pounds Michelob Ultras, talks about NFTs and bragging about his 15 foot putt is more athletic and making that shoe look cooler.

The Jordan 5?? That shoe was a part of one of the best AD Campaigns of all time, The Spike Lee joint with Mars Blackmon. “It’s gotta be the shoes!” But I guess it’s cooler that your work buddy wore them to play 18 holes and shoved 6 glizzys down his gullet while doing it. It’s Gotta Be the Shoes!!!

And finally how can we forget The Jordan 1.  Do you understand the significance of that shoe? It is one of the most well known silhouettes of all time. There is no Tiger Woods without this shoe. It completely changed sports marketing and and how brand market their athletes. It is quite literally THE Sneaker to end all sneakers. But I guess they feel good while you’re riding around in a golf cart drinking Truly and talking about pastel shorts Maybe it is Jordan brands fault. Maybe it’s Golf’s fault. I don’t know, all I know is that the lines between the sports are becoming blurred and it needs to end before it’s too late.